REVIEW: Phone Booth Posters, 82nd & Broadway
[Author’s note: There are a shocking number of pay phones at this intersection!]
“(Impractical) Jokers”
Does it hurt to look at? For the most part, no, but I got surprisingly frustrated while trying to read the show’s title out loud. Is it called… “Jokers”? “Impractical Jokers”? Am I supposed to whisper the part in parentheses?
Do I understand what’s being advertised? Oh my lord, no. Do four guys just keep on pranking each other? How is that sustainable? Wouldn’t they start to expect it, after a while, what with the fact that they’re all being paid to play practical jokes on one another?
Will I exchange money for the good/service? Technically, I do it every month. God dammit, cable packages.
“The Foundation for a Better Life”
Does it hurt to look at? No. It’s very soothing, in fact.
Do I understand what’s being advertised? No. Never. Never ever. Does anyone know what the Pass It On / Values.com / Foundation for a Better Life ads are for? They’re a national mystery that no one seems to talk about.
Will I exchange money for the good/service? What if I already have? How would I know?
“Audible.com”
Does it hurt to look at? A bit. The wild shifts in font size are a little nausea-inducing, as is the hideous green of the logo.
Do I understand what’s being advertised? I… guess? An audiobook of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo? But like… what do my mom, my best friend, and my girlfriend have to do with that? And why am I running out of time to talk to them on the phone? Ugh, I feel all angry at this ad, now!
Will I exchange money for the good/service? Not after all that!
“Eastern Mountain Sports”
Does it hurt to look at? Sort of, insofar as the angles are all messed up. That tree is somehow perpendicular with the sky!
Do I understand what’s being advertised? After a spell. I guess that’s supposed to be Central Park, and I guess I’m supposed to buy clothing that lets me hike in it. But I’m preeeeeetty sure that’s not legal.
Will I exchange money for the good/service? I don’t want to get arrested.
“Shen Yun 2012”
Does it hurt to look at? The foreshortening is a bit laughable, but laughing is fun.
Do I understand what’s being advertised? 5,000 years of Chinese music and dance, in one night.
Will I exchange money for the good/service? I wish I could have, but that time has passed.
“Mission: Impossible: Ghost Protocol”
Does it hurt to look at? Gaaah, my hands are getting all tingly again! So high up! ¡Ten cuidado, Tomás!
Do I understand what’s being advertised? A movie I already saw.
Will I exchange money for the good/service? How many colons are there in the title? Is it two? I wrote two, but it feels wrong.
“A dog?”
Does it hurt to look at? Well, emotionally, sure. But also, why is the dog using that weird capitalization? It’s like a 12-year-old dubstep DJ’s “About Me” section!
Do I understand what’s being advertised? No! There’s no product or company referenced! It’s almost like this is just an ad intended to kick you in the emotional balls and run away, laughing.
Will I exchange money for the good/service? I WISH I COULD SO I COULD HELP THE PUPPY.
“Coach”
Does it hurt to look at? Nah, it’s fine.
Do I understand what’s being advertised? Sure. A bag, or whatever.
Will I exchange money for the good/service? No.
“The Grammys”
Does it hurt to look at? Well, no, but I’m baffled by the visual concept. Is that modern-day Paul’s head on 1964 Paul’s body?
Do I understand what’s being advertised? The… Grammys? Other than that, no. It seems like there’s something other than that, but I don’t know what.
Will I exchange money for the good/service? I haven’t paid for music in years.
“Mad Men”
Does it hurt to look at? No, but it gets me really angry! It plays this trick with my mind, where it’s like, “Ha ha, you lost the game because you know this is a Mad Men ad and we don’t have to tell you!”
Do I understand what’s being advertised? God, this season is going to suck so hard.
Will I exchange money for the good/service? Yeah. Yeah, probably.
“Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close”
Does it hurt to look at? Oh, for crying out loud.
Do I understand what’s being advertised? This was such an awful book.
Will I exchange money for the good/service? Jonathan Safran Foer is a fucking asshole.
